(by Amber Dembowski)
The idea is simple. You can be a kind person, and tell people when they're getting it wrong. Providing tough feedback doesn’t have to mean the same thing as being a jerk.
A lot of my content focuses on building each other up and staying positive, but don’t mistake that for putting “being nice” above growth.
Tough truth: creating positive relationships alone won’t get your school where it needs to be.
It’s brutally hard to tell people when they're screwing up. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. You’re a positive person. I get it.
The problem is, when you ignore behavior that doesn’t match your culture or your expectations, you begin to resent that person and start to drop them in the “piece of shit” category of your rolodex. Not intentionally. But you do. You’ll notice that you start to avoid them, or your attitude immediately changes when you’re around them. I know, because I’ve been there. I’ve done that.
It’s not fair to them, and it certainly doesn’t support the productive and positive culture that you’re working so hard to sustain.
And, the worst part of it all? The other staff at your school are wondering why you accept this type of behavior too. They begin to wonder if you even know the difference between mediocre and great. Do you even notice the great things that I’m doing over here in room 311?
The quality of teaching and the morale will all suffer. So, let’s not do that.
Let’s do the hard stuff, because it’s the right thing to do. And actually, your humanity is an asset that will help guide you through the process of providing critical feedback.
Because at the end of the day, when you provide feedback that isn’t easy to hear – your strong relationships with your staff, and the trust that you’ve developed, are what will carry you through. Your ability to build trusting, human connections with the people around you will determine the quality of everything that follows.
One layer of human connection is to deeply care for your team on a personal level. As a human.
Ironically, when we challenge people, provide feedback, or push them to do more – this also deepens our connection with them. It’s an added layer.
When we provide feedback, we’re offering our views. From my own experiences of this, feedback hits differently for each person, and I learn a lot about the other person along the way. No matter how clearly I try to communicate, it seems there’s always some room for interpretation. I suppose this is normal. And adjusting along the way is always important. Sometimes we’re never truly able to calibrate, while other times the ebb and flow of personal connection, feedback (receiving and giving), and growth become an incredible strength for the school, and for our relationship.
Before entering any type of conversation that will include critical feedback, remind yourself of this: We are all human beings, with human feelings, and everyone deserves to be seen as such. You must care deeply while being prepared to be hated in return. You have to accept that sometimes people on your team will be mad at you.
Here’s the deal, the key is, when what you say hurts, acknowledge the other person’s pain. Let them know that you recognize that hearing this feedback must be hard. Amp up the support for them so that they can grow and get better – and not just leave them hopeless and wondering what to do next.
I will admit, I’ve given feedback that has fallen completely flat. Keeping this in mind, the feedback given should confront a specific situation and create a ripple effect for change. And even though it’s surprisingly simple, it hasn’t always landed the way I wanted it to. I recognize that I must not have been specific enough or provided the right kind of support. Because of this, it’s always important to schedule follow up conversations. At that point, you can adjust accordingly.
Regardless of how long it takes you to gain some clarity on the staff member’s progress, it’s kinder in the long run to be direct. Remind yourself: It’s not mean, it’s clear. Because, remember, before entering this feedback conversation, you made a decision to use it as a tool for improvement, not a weapon. You chose not to use this feedback to feed your ego, or as part of your role as the leader of the building or team. You made a conscious decision to provide this feedback driven from your humanity and care for the other person and this profession.
Steve Jobs was quoted as saying, “The most important thing I think you can do for somebody who’s being counted on is to point out to them when they’re not doing good – when they’re work isn’t good enough. And to do it very clearly and to articulate why .. and to get them back on track.”
Explaining ‘why’ shows you’re invested in the person. Be humble and helpful. Offer guidance. And possibly share some examples of when you received feedback or struggled in a similar area.
After several conversations of providing critical feedback, and you’re still not seeing the efforts translate to progress, it’s important to take a step back and ask, “What growth trajectory is this person on?” Sometimes people really want to grow and are capable of contributing more than they did in the past because they now have the tools and the capacity to do so.
However, this may not always be the case. When progress isn’t being made, and it’s impacting the learning in the classroom and/or the culture of the building in significant ways, then it’s important to recognize the growth trajectory. This always requires more difficult conversations, and sometimes leads to coaching someone on to other things.
To simplify this, there are basically two types of growth trajectories, steep growth and gradual growth.
If you are providing constructive feedback to a staff member that is a productive member who adds value to the team and school, yet has areas of growth, it would be fair to say they are on track with gradual growth.
However, if you are providing constructive feedback to a staff member who has had a negative impact on learning and culture, then they need to get on the track of steep growth – and quickly.
Of course, treating everyone fairly requires that you know them well enough to understand why they aren’t thriving. If they’re simply going through a rough patch, it’s better to give them the time and space to recover. If this is the case, also note the patterns of this behavior. If the rough patch doesn’t seem to ever evolve or repair itself, it’s fair to throw that in the mix of critical feedback as well.
In the world of education, we truly can’t have B-players, nor does anyone want to be one. No one wants to be a mediocre human being. Everyone can be excellent at something. I believe this wholeheartedly. But that’s very different from saying anyone can be good at anything. That’s why we’ll sometimes see staff members treading water, and not making the steep growth they need to get the job done well.
Sadly, I’ve seen more than I should of this: teachers who never find work where they can excel because they stay in the wrong job of teaching. They have come to depend on the position over the years, and their supervisor – sometimes even supervisors (plural), over the years – don’t put in the time to provide them the feedback they need.
The lack of courage and energy from these supervisors leads to a tremendous loss of human potential. When we allow people to live in the land of mediocre, or maybe in the land of unsatisfactory, we deprive them of thriving.
It goes without saying that being coached out of teaching is one of the most soul-challenging things that can happen to a person. Knowing that this conversation will be followed by some form of suffering makes actually doing it very hard.
In my conversations with some principals about teachers who are consistently struggling in the classroom, here are some of the things I’ve heard when I suggest putting them on a Plan of Improvement:
I’m just hoping it gets better. If that’s the case, ask yourself this: How will it get better? What are you doing differently to provide support? If you’ve seen some growth, has it been enough growth?
There’s no applicants, so somebody is better than nobody. I’ve gotten stuck in this loop too. I knew if there was a hole in the team and a classroom without a teacher, it would create more work for everyone else. It wasn’t until my leadership team came to me and said that everyone was willing to split the work because they already are, that I realized this loop in my mind was harmful. The fact of the matter is, poor performers often create as much extra work for others when they’re there as when they’re not there.
It’s bad for morale. Keeping someone on the team who can’t do the job is far worse for morale. Yes, some people may be questioning what happened or wondering if they can trust you, but that’s why it’s important to build good relationships and to show that you care deeply for everyone.
Now, don't mince my words. A Plan of Improvement does not equate to coaching a teacher out of the profession. In fact, the goal is actually the opposite. But sometimes it does come to a point of recognizing enough is enough. And if it comes to coaching someone out, recognize that you may create the possibility for this person to excel and find happiness performing meaningful work elsewhere. That elsewhere could be another position in the building, it could be another school or district, or it could be an entirely different profession. Just be clear on this: It’s not the person who sucks, it’s THIS position for this person that sucks.
Hopefully some of these insights provide you some clarity. Most importantly, it’s crucial that you see each person on your team with fresh eyes every day. People evolve, and so your relationships, your conversations, and your feedback must evolve as well.
I’ve had good experiences and bad experiences when providing critical feedback. And the ones that didn’t end well I take full responsibility for. Somewhere along the way, I either didn’t create a good relationship from the beginning, I didn’t lean into the human-ness of the profession, or my feedback was too vague.
I’m not an expert by any means. I’m merely sharing the things that worked for me when it went well. I’m pulling from my 18 years within the profession that were rooted in providing feedback to other working educators who I supported or supervised.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Because it’s not something we learn prior to being put in a position of having to do it. Let’s take this time to learn from each other, be courageous enough to have these tough conversations, and continually strive at creating a school where everyone thrives.
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