(written by Taylor Ainsworth)
Dealing with difficult people—whether they're students, colleagues, or even strangers—can be one of the most draining parts of our daily lives. But what if I told you it doesn’t always have to feel that way? Today, we’re diving into a topic that touches us all, inspired by a simple but powerful piece of advice I received from my therapist: “It’s not always about you.” Now, this stung at first, but over time, it became a freeing truth that has transformed the way I handle challenging situations. So, let’s explore how a mindset shift can help you navigate difficult interactions with grace, self-awareness, and, yes, a bit of humor.
How You Doin?
Today’s blog is inspired by one of my favorite comfort shows, Friends.
Picture this: Chandler, Rachel and Ross are attempting to move a couch up the stairs of an apartment. The couch is too big and needs to be adjusted just right to fit going around the corner. They can’t get it and they start to get frustrated.
Ross tells Rachel and Chandler to pivot the couch. They don’t listen. Instead, they keep pushing the same way.
In true Ross fashion he starts saying pivot in a normal voice tone. They still don’t listen. And eventually he starts screaming PIVOT!! PIVOT!! PIVOT!! Which is now a famous friends quote you probably see everywhere! One that lives in my head rent free, haha! Please tell me I am not the only one?!
Okay, you’re probably all thinking, where is this going? Well, we are going to take this light hearted scene and use it to reflect on how we’ve all dealt with difficult people in the past.
Lets be honest, we’ve probably all acted like Ross or Chandler did here once or twice in our lifetime. Maybe even more, and that’s okay! Because today we are going to dive into how to handle tough situations with difficult or challenging people, together!
“Pivoting” back to the couch scene (hehe), I reflect and think how important perspective is.
How often do we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget someone else might see things in a different way?
In this scene we can assume that from Ross' perspective he might feel like nobody is listening to him. (Such a crappy feeling with lots of emotions.) He then becomes frustrated and overstimulated which turns into yelling. Insert ripple effect- Chandler is now yelling back at Ross.
Feel familiar?
Now listen, there’s no judgment. We’ve literally all been here before. Without reflection or talking about it, there’s no room for giving ourselves grace to lean into increasing our self-awareness of how our own actions impact those around us; without it, there’s no growth.
You get where I am going with this right? Nobody is perfect. We are all going to have hard, draining and exhausting days. Train your mind to stay calm and your heart still, when facing the storm, and leave assumptions and judgment at the door. Walk hand in hand with curiosity- let it lead you.
I challenge you to stop here for a minute and really think, when I encounter difficult people or students what is my first response?
Do I focus on judgment or curiosity?
Do I take it personally or give grace?
Am I open or closed minded?
At the end of the day, you get to decide.
If you are one who finds dealing with difficult people hard to navigate- I challenge you to PIVOT!! your mindset to a perspective filled with compassion, and being self-aware.
Picture yourself the last time you encountered a difficult person.
Now, try to remove yourself and look at it from above.
This allows you to set aside any emotional triggers. Doing so, you should be in a much safer place to not take whatever is happening personally- by not making what they are doing all about you. (It's important to remember that this is not to be used to dismiss or excuse rude and/or unkind behavior.)
Allow space for the difficult student or adult to learn that their behavior, actions and words are a reflection about who they are, not you. Take a deep breath, take space, set your boundary and focus on making sure you like who you see looking back at you in the mirror.
Practice that self-awareness.
Meet yourself and others with compassion and try to find strategies that allow you to manage your own internal dialogues and experiences versus acting on emotional triggers and impulse.
Remember, you are allowed to take up space.
An important factor when engaging in a situation with someone who is difficult, is to remember to listen. Put that active listening into high gear!
Okay, okay. Easier said than done, I know. Especially when our brains are already filled with 57 tabs that are still open. However, when we don’t listen we end up missing some of the most important information.
Now, there is room for assumptions to be made…ahhh scary! Haha! How do we find a solution without every piece of the puzzle?
Providing a safe and non-judgmental space for yourself and others will not only help you approach the person in a calm and rational manner, but it will also give you an opportunity to not take whatever that person is doing personally.
Having a safe environment to express yourself, gives you room to listen and gather all of the pieces. Does that person or child have a need that is not being met, did they sleep the night before, did they just get into an argument with their best friend? Without listening, you might never know. Wouldn’t that be a shame? To pass frustration and judgment without having all of the pieces?
Today, I leave you with this: there are going to be people who are always angry and constantly looking for moments in life to be difficult and in conflict with others. Have the power and strength to walk away and know that the battle they are fighting is not with you, it’s not personal- it’s with themselves.
As you go about your day, I encourage you to practice this “pivot” in your own life. The next time you find yourself facing a challenging person, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself: it’s not always about you. Reflect on your own triggers, listen deeply, and approach with compassion rather than judgment. Difficult people will always be around, but how you respond to them is entirely within your control. You have the power to choose curiosity over assumption, grace over frustration.
And remember, your well-being matters. Protect your peace, set your boundaries, and don’t forget to check in with yourself. For additional support and resources, visit TeacherWell. Let’s face those difficult situations head-on, with kindness in our hearts and clarity in our minds.
You’ve got this!
Love this!