(by Amber Dembowski)
I tried to manifest my healthiest self, squeezing back into my size 8 jeans, and wearing my favorite halter tops. I’ve been manifesting it for 20 years now, and yet, here I am at my heaviest weight and worst physical shape I’ve been in. You want to know why?
(“Why,” you ask.)
Because, manifesting by itself is horse sh*t. With no action, it’s the same as dreaming.
People don’t decide their futures. We decide our habits and the habits decide our future.
And even though I gently will this healthy body back into my life, I don’t feel motivated to do too much about it right now. Quite frankly, my motivation sucks. And I’m thinking this is a good topic to share with all of you right now.
The summer months often bring new goals and ambitions, and is a time to refresh and restart. This week’s blog about motivation will help you conquer anything you set out to accomplish, even when it’s hard (because anything worthwhile generally is). And the summer is the best time to reset and recommit to things you’ve been pushing off.
There are many things I don’t feel motivated to do in my personal and professional life: exercise, laundry, networking
And then, there’s those things I generally enjoy doing, but on the tough days, I’m lacking the motivation needed to them too: visiting classrooms, blogging, researching
What about you? What areas in your personal and professional life are lacking motivation?
I have plenty of excuses for not following through with anything I know I should do, but don’t:
“I already work long hours. If I wake up any earlier to exercise I wouldn’t be getting enough sleep and then I’d be a bear to be around. Sleep is more important.”
“I have the clothes I need to wear for the week clean and ready. The rest can wait.”
“What will this person think of me if I just cold call them? I know what they’ll think. They’ll think I’m a moron and wish I didn’t waste their time.”
All of these thoughts that creep into my mind cause me to not get out of bed to exercise, not fold the clothes in the laundry basket, and not pick up the phone to visit with a potential partner in education. And instead, I choose to just wait for the right time and motivation to kick in.
Here’s the problem. Motivation is a myth. It’s not going to kick in if you give your thoughts the time of day. Your thoughts are your default thinking, and (spoiler alert) your default thinking hasn’t been working in your favor.
Instead, to get motivated, you need to disrupt this default thinking and do what psychologists call “assert control.” The researchers of this practice tell us we need a starting ritual that activates the prefrontal cortex, helping to change your behavior before your thoughts sabotage you. Without this starting ritual you are holding yourself back from whatever it is you want to accomplish this summer or during the school year, especially when you’re not feeling motivated.
So, what could your starting ritual be? For some, it’s just counting backwards, 5-4-3-2-1-Go. In fact, that’s a popular strategy that Mel Robbins shares and lives by. It could be your own key phrase or affirmation that you say to yourself when you start to hesitate, like, “Let’s go!” or “I’ve got this!”
The essential next step is putting your body into action after your starting ritual. When your alarm goes off, instead of hitting snooze and allowing thoughts about ‘how tired you are’ to enter your mind, you say, “Let’s do this!” and immediately sit up to get out of bed. You still may not feel motivated, but you’re doing it. You. Are. Doing it! And that’s what matters.
The starting ritual helps you focus on your goal and commitment, and distracts you from the counterproductive thoughts in your mind. Your starting ritual will interrupt the habits of hesitating, overthinking, and holding yourself back.
And, your starting ritual PLUS the immediate movement teaches your mind to take action when normally you’d stop yourself by thinking. The longer you wait between your starting ritual and physically moving, the louder the excuses get and the harder it becomes to take action.
There are all kinds of tricky ways your brain tries to drown your urge to act. Researchers in this area know that the moment you want to break an old habit, create a new habit, or do something out of your comfort zone, your brain works really hard to stop you. And this, my friend, is how you can get trapped in your thoughts. This is when you get in your own way. This is what we call ‘lacking motivation.’ Your brain is afraid of things that feel uncertain or unknown. But you can break this chain of thinking over time with the activation energy you create from your starting ritual followed by action.
Life is already hard, and we make it so much harder when we hold ourselves back. We hold ourselves back at school, at home, and in our relationships. Often because we don’t feel motivated to do it any differently. Here’s the deal, we’ll never feel ready or motivated in the beginning of anything new, different or non-preferred.
I once read that human beings are feeling machines that think, not thinking machines that feel. We make decisions based on how we feel. Every time we have a decision to make, we subconsciously think through the pros and cons and then make a decision based on how we feel. It all happens in nanoseconds, so we often don’t even realize it.
When my alarm would go off early to exercise I thought I was asking, “Should I get up?” but instead my mind was subconsciously asking me, “Do I feel like getting up?” Logically we know what we should do, but our feelings about doing it make the decision for us. Because honestly, no, I don’t feel like getting up. Laying here in bed feels much better to me.
How you feel in the moment almost never aligns with your goals and commitments. If you only act when you feel like it – I’m sorry to say – you’re screwed, and you’ll never get what you want. Untangling your feelings from your actions will unlock your true potential.
So, right now, think through the tasks, projects, and goals you want to tackle, but lack the motivation. Then decide what your starting ritual will be, knowing that this ritual prompts you to immediately go into action despite your thoughts and feelings.
This strategy works for anything. I’ve used it before for other things in my life. It can apply to tackling lesson plans, grading papers, completing evaluations, revamping the master schedule, painting the guest bedroom, pulling weeds, eating healthier … the list is endless.
It’s not the big moves that define our lives. It’s the small ones. This ritual is a small change to get big results. And even though it won’t make your tasks or goals any easier, it’ll make them happen. And that’s the secret to creating the life you want. Forget the motivation. It’ll most likely never come when you need it. Start being your best self, one small ritual and push at a time.
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